If you find a way to stop the wrangling on our TV (just short of throwing the whole damn thing in the garbage) please let me know.

But when the dust settled, the one thing I vowed I would get back was me! No longer would he have any power over how I felt, thought, or spent. What a emerged was the amazing butterfly with wings large and wide as I gracefully flew into and over so many new facets of my life that had been squelched for 25 years.

I miss being married. I miss the sense of security. I miss the dream that was broken, but security can be re-established and dreams rebuilt. And marriage? That remains to be seen, but what I’ve discovered is I don’t need a man to make me happy. That I’ve been able to do all on my own and what a gift.

Great article, Jacquie!!

Lainy

I’ve given alot of thought to the whole fidelity and want to share some thoughts about “Why didn’t I know, and why was I fool.” I wish it could be avoided, but we are animals. Some of us more “cavemen” than the other. Anyway…you stirred up a bunch of stuff for me! And I love you for it!

It’s easier to lie to someone you know vs. a stranger because the liar knows what you’re expecting to hear or see and they can manipulate you. Worse though are men and women afraid to simply say truth – I’m a greedy fuck and I want our marriage and I want this new “someone” too. Instead they change the rules without telling you – expecting you to “guess” or hope they can get away with it.

I challenge any married person to simply try this exercise. It’s developed by me, a coward and a Girl Scout 1) Pretend you’ve fallen in love with someone – and pretend you must tell your partner/spouse about it. Find the words now and practice saying it. Imagine their face and what it will mean to your marriage. Imagine how it will feel not to see their face lying on the pillow next to you every day of your life. 2) Make a promise to your spouse right now. Literally, say this “If I am ever tempted to be unfaithful to you – I promise to tell you before it happens.”

If you are an honest person, with integrity – you owe it to yourself and your partner – to inform them of your plan before you proceed. I don’t dismiss that it will be a heartbreaking experience. But you can lessen the guilt and perhaps even “stop an infidelity” if you imagine the consequences of your action in advance.

I didn’t marry until I was 33 because I always had an issue with “marriage and monogamy”. When I married, I told my husband that I would never cheat on him, and if I was ever tempted, I would tell him first. I remained faithful to my promise and my husband. 14 years into my marriage I found myself in a compromising situation with another man. I kept my promise. I told my husband first. “I’ve met someone else.” It opened a conversation for us. I told him the rules had changed.

Eventually, I went forth with the new relationship with the other man. My husband and I untwined from our relationship – lived together for another year while we sorted out our feelings. We divorced during our 15 year of marriage and remain faithful friends today. It was a terrible situation – but I was never a terrible wife.